


Order of the Secret Wizards

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Cunnilingus, F/M, Kink Meme, M/M, Ritual Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:57:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider is intitated into the club run by Rose Lalonde. A very weird club.</p><p>From the kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Order of the Secret Wizards

 

Dave’s unshaded eyes opened when the strange rays of LOLAR touched them. He had gone to sleep in his own Land, under the watchful shades of Davesprite, so he was disoriented to say the least. His immediate action was to put back on his shades, but when he moved his arms, he found them tightly wrapped in bedsheets. The ground was cold and hard beneath him. He looked up and saw in the light the shape of Rose Lalonde.

 

“I hope this is some other person who just happens to be spotting Lalonde’s haircut,” he said.

 

“Relax, Dave,” came Rose’s voice.

 

But Dave didn’t relax. He burst out of the sheets only to find he was completely naked. Blushing for the first time in his life he wrapped the sheet into an impromptu toga. He then noticed he wasn’t just with Rose. Around the stone platform were various consorts in bedsheet togas. He turned to Rose and saw she was draped in a lavender toga.

 

“Okay, show me to the directory and point out the arrow that says ‘You Are Here’ and then show me where the emergency exits are,” he said.

 

Rose answered, “You are in the Temple of the Secret Wizards in the Land of Light and Rain. Lovely place, isn’t it? I think it resembles the Pantheon in Rome, such as in the domed roof providing light via a small hole called an oculus...”

 

“Yes, thanks for the architectural lesson, now tell me how the hell I got here.”

 

“Davesprite transported you while you were in your somnolent state. He then absconded to take care of matters in the Land of Heat and Clockwork.”

 

“Now that we got ‘where’ and ‘how’ out of the way, can we get to ‘why’?”

 

Rose opened her arms wide and turned her head to the restless crowd.

 

“Dave Strider, you have been brought to these hallowed ground to participate in a most sacred ritual: the Initiation of a Secret Wizard. For you have been chosen, due to your bravery, nobility, and strength, to be the newest member of the Order of the Secret Wizards.”

 

“Don’t wanna.”

 

Rose whipped her head back. “Why?”

 

“Why would I? It sounds like some dumb kids’ club, no, some dumb kids’ club in a movie about the power of friendship. Really, the Order of the Secret Wizards? It’s not even good fantasy. Shouldn’t it be some made-up word like the Order of Ellador?”

 

Rose whispered, “I know, I don’t like the name either, it sounds like something my mother would fabricate and make a ridiculous hat for, but it is comes with great benefits.”

 

“What benefits? And don’t say a hat.”

 

“You not only go up a level, you gain a new tier called ‘Secret Wizard’ which gives you greater power over your consorts.”

 

“I run circles around those dumb crocs without any special powers.”

 

“Really? Then why did I scry you in a bubbling cauldron surrounded by your consorts?”

 

“I worked it out with them, told them I was too gamy after years of sword duels.”

 

“You have not harnessed the great power the consorts have.”

 

“I really doubt the crocs have any great powers. Some of them don’t have any arms.”

 

“I have found my turtles make excellent familiars, and John has found his own uses for the salamanders.”

 

“Egbert is in this club too?”

 

“He is the second member and he has already risen two levels.”

 

“Well, I might as well join my best bro. Maybe we could sit together during ceremonies, make snide comments to each other, riff the liturgy.”

 

“As long as I can get you to join I will excuse your blasphemy. I want all of us to be in this order.”

 

“I’m sure Jade will like it. This is just like some anime, she can be a Magical Girl.”

 

“I must admit I do enjoy the pomp and circumstance of it all.”

 

“Of course, you got a wizard fetish.”

 

Rose scowled. She then turned back to the crowd.

 

“The Knight of Time has accepted the honor!” she called out, “The Initiation shall commence!” 

 

Rose went over to Dave and pulled off his toga. Dave pulled it back off of her and jumped back.

 

“What the fuck! It’s bad enough my eyes are naked.”

 

Rose said to him, “Your nudity represents rebirth. I will disrobe also for this ceremony.”

 

And she did so. Dave looked at his ectosister but did not stare. She was kind of plump and her breast were small, but she looked too good for someone he wasn’t supposed to be attracted to. She held out her hand expectantly. He paused for a long time, then with a grumble took off his toga and placed it in her hand. He crossed his legs. He was glad that the temple was warm, if a bit humid.

 

She placed the robes on a tray borne by a turtle consort who immediately took it away. She turned to him, grabbed his left hand with hers and lifted it up, pulling him out of his modest stance. He could have sworn he saw a flash go off.

 

“Now comes the Adoration of the High Priestess!” Rose called out.

 

Dave whispered to Rose, “Let me guess, you’re the leader of this little cult.” She nodded.

 

She let go of his hand and he decided not to bother covering himself up again. Let these neuter creatures enjoy his glorious spamporpoise. She turned again to some turtle consorts.

 

“Bring the Carpet of Submission and the Throne of Dominance.”

 

He mouthed, “Dominance? Submission?”

 

A turtle brought up a small purple rug and unrolled it. Two other turtles brought up a strange black chair with a wide U-shaped seat and placed it on the rug. Rose went in front of the chair. She hesitated to sit in it but finally did. Sitting like that forced her legs wide open.

 

“Knight of Time, I order you- I order you to kneel!” Rose stuttered.

 

He kneeled, assuming she would knight him with a wand or something like that. Instead she bent down and whispered,

 

“It gets very awkward here.”

 

“You mean it wasn’t awkward before?”

 

“For the next part you have to adulate me.” She paused. “Orally.”

 

He moved back. “What the fuck, what sort of fucked-up ritual is this? Why does this game have a sex side quest? Did you get it from Japan?”

 

“Yes, I know it’s strange but if you haven’t noticed this whole game is strange. I have heard later parts involve breeding.”

 

“This is still totally optional and I don’t give a fuck if I don’t get a 100% completion and the super secret ending, I am not doing this.”

 

“So you take back the honor of being a Secret Wizard? That seems a pity. John was looking forward this. He wanted to make a bet on who could get to the top first.”

 

“I would’ve won.” Dave looked at her breasts. “So, we are siblings, aren’t we?”

 

“I know that must make you feel awkward.”

 

“Makes me think of that first ‘Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff’. Hey bro, now you’re doing your mom! That makes you a secret wizard!” 

 

“You have a most queer sense of humor.”

 

“Whole thing is pretty ironic. After making fun of incest I end up incesting out.”

 

She gave him a look that said she didn’t think it was ironic but she wasn’t going to argue.

 

“Okay,” he sighed, “I’ll play along with this ‘Castle Anthrax’ mission. Turn off your grail-shaped beacon.”

 

Dave scooted back up and put his hands on Rose’s thighs. He checked her out. She had only a few light blond hairs on her mound. He looked at her ass the best he could with her sitting down and it looked pretty fine. Her clitoris was completely hidden. He was starting from the very beginning. He took a big breath, pushed back her outer labia, and started licking her clit. She grunted in disapproval. He decided to lay off the clit until he warmed her up. He started at her thighs and slowly moved in. Rose helped by grunting when he did the wrong thing and moaning when he did the right thing. She also moved things along by rubbing her breasts. It still seemed to take forever. Just when his tongue was about to give out she gave a long shudder and after her orgasm was done, patted him on the head. He lifted his head and looked into her admittedly very pretty violent eyes. He wished he had his shades. He was afraid his eyes looked too needy. Plus, he had bushy eyebrows.

 

He said, “Hey, was it good for you, baby?” with what he hoped was an ironic approach to such a cheesy line.

                         

She replied, “Honestly, well, you did better your first time.”

 

 “How many first times have I had??”

 

Dave sat kneeling as he wondered what exactly he would never ask Davesprite. Rose stood up, put back on her toga, and turned to the crowd.

 

“The High Priestess is satisfied with the Knight of Time!”

 

“Better be damn well satisfied,” Dave murmured under his breath.

 

“The Heir of Breath shall now enter!”

 

The Heir of Breath entered. He was draped in a blue toga and escorted by four salamanders.

 

“Hi Dave!” he called out, his hand in the air.

 

Dave buried his head in his hands. “Fuck why is he here?”

 

Rose turned to Dave. “As a senior member he is required for the next part.”

 

“I’m afraid to ask what that part is.”

 

“As well you should.” She turned to John. “Heir of Breath, approach the platform.”

 

The crowd cleared and John walked up too casually for what was supposed to be grand occasion. Dave turned his head away.

 

“Hey, Rose, what do you want me to do?” He then lowered his voice. “Is it also something weird?”

 

She answered, also in a low voice, “It depends on what you think is weird, well, I’ll read you what it says in the liturgy.” She turned to one of the turtles. “Bring me the sacred scroll.”

 

The turtle brought the ‘sacred scroll’, which looked a lot like a Lisa Frank notebook. Rose went to a sticky marked page and started reading:

 

“After the Adoration of the High Priestess, a senior member shall take the Initiate and,” she paused, “Fill him with his glory.”

 

“Oh Egbert don’t ask what that means,” Dave mumbled.

 

But John asked, “How do I do that?”

 

Rose took a deep breath. “You put your penis in his anus.”

 

Both boys yelled, “WHAT?!”

 

“Yes, you must have sex with each other.” She held up the ‘scroll’. “It says so in the text.”

 

Dave stood up. “That’s it, I’ve had enough of this sex cult!”

 

John added, “Yeah, this is weirder than doing it with Rose. This is homosexual stuff.”

 

She shook her head. “Such a shame. After all the trouble you went through making me reach orgasm, your incest comes to nothing.”

 

“It wasn’t any trouble!” Dave shot back, “I rocked your world.”

 

John said, “The oral sex was difficult. I think this is even more difficult. Especially for Dave.”

 

“First-time anal sex can be very painful for the receiver, and Dave wouldn’t be used to it.” she remarked. 

 

“You two think I don’t know pain?” Dave pointed at John. “I could take what he can throw at me, which I bet is more like a ping-pong ball than a dodge ball.”

 

John frowned. “That’s mean, Dave!”

 

“Then show me. We’re doing this bro. We are making this happen.”

 

Rose smirked. She turned to one of Dave’s consorts this time. “Bring the Lubrication of Friendship.”

 

The crocodile brought a big jar filled with white stuff. Rose took it and gave it to John.

 

“Use it liberally,” she told him.

 

Dave piped in, “You better use the whole jar.”

 

John took the jar. Rose stepped back as John walked onto the platform. He looked Dave in the eyes with curiosity.

 

“Wow, your eyes look weird,” he said.

 

“Yes, I know, I’ve had them for thirteen years,” Dave replied.

 

John looked down at his feet. “We don’t have to kiss, do we?”

 

“Of course not, that would be too gay. We’ll just get on with it.”

 

Dave sighed and turned around.

 

“Glad I don’t have to see your O-face.”

 

John opened the jar and put a big dollop on his right fingers. He put his left hand on Dave’s butt and Dave bent over with a sigh. John took his fingers and wiped them over Dave’s buttcrack. The lube was cold at first but quickly warmed up. He realized need to do more to prepare Dave, he took his index finger and slowly entered him. Dave clenched down but then relaxed. It did feel a little weird, but it wasn’t like Dave had never stuck a finger in there, just to see what it felt like. But he had never stuck two fingers in there. He started to feel stretched out and he felt more stretched out when John started to scissor his fingers. His fingers curled and pushed against Dave’s sensitive walls and Dave was afraid John would find something really good. When he thought he’d done a good job John pulled the fingers out. He took off his robe, put another dollop on his hands and started fisting his flaccid dick. He turned over and looked at Rose.

 

“Umm, could you give me a hand?” he asked.

 

Dave turned around and saw to his surprise his sister actually was giving John a handjob. This is like some sort of hillbilly orgy, Dave thought. Because he had to see what the murder weapon was he watched John’s growing dick. To his dismay it was big, not porn star huge, but bigger than he’d want for his first time. Not that he ever planned on having a first time, mind you. When John’s dick was good enough for government work, Rose stopped servicing him and stepped back. John put his hands on Dave’s hips, smearing them with lube, and pressed himself against him.

 

“Are-are you ready for this?” John whispered.

 

“It’s not like I could ever be ready for this,” Dave replied.

 

John took this to be a yes. He pushed in and after a few painful false starts, got it in the hole. John’s dick wasn’t very long (probably only five inches, Dave figured in his head) but it was thick. John did a good enough job lubricating so there was no friction, only the feeling of being stretched out. He moved in slowly but Dave still felt like he was being invaded. When he was balls deep, he paused.

 

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

 

“I’m not screaming in pain if that’s what you’re asking,” Dave answered.

 

“I’m feeling amazing! Sex is so awesome! It’s like being wrapped in a warm, wet blanket of fudge!”

 

Before Dave could criticize that metaphor, John gave a few small, experimental strokes. He obviously enjoyed the sex better than the mechanical groping Rose gave him, because his dick began to grow inside of Dave. It jumped and Dave gasped.

 

“Yeah, it’s getting bigger, isn’t it?” John cooed, “Getting bigger than yours.”

 

“Shut up, nobody is impressed, most of them probably don’t know what a dick is,” Dave said through closed teeth.

 

“You care, cause it means I’m better than you.”

 

John started going faster and deeper. Dave groaned. Now it really hurt. He gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the pain. But something worse came up - he started feeling pleasure. It indeed felt like taking a really good shit. With his thrusts John was hitting that fabled spot, the prostate. Dave listened to John’s girly moans and thought no, no, no, he never wanted to enjoy being filled up by this dork. He wanted to be filled with Jade!

 

He suddenly wondered why he thought of Jade and, more importantly, why he want a girl to do that.

 

Dave looked down at his growing dick. He had to jerk off. He grabbed it and pumped every time John bumped into him. Even though John wasn’t a time player he had perfect rhythm like he was a drummer in a marching band. And this marching band was going to war, and the battlefield was Dave’s ass, and the consorts were cheering the soldiers on.

 

“Yeah, take it, take it bitch,” John moaned, “I am the Wizard!”

 

John reached over and took Dave’s dick away from him. He started pumping it himself as he slowed down his thrusts.

 

“Hey, you are smaller than me,” he whispered, “I feel sorry for you, bro.”

 

Dave gritted, “Gonna beat you by age 18.”

 

“So you’ve measured Bro’s dick?”

 

Dave gasped. He really didn’t have a comeback for that admittedly clever remark. He could barely think.

 

John’s strokes got faster, out of time with his slow, now-erratic thrust. Soon Dave bursts from the two-pronged attack. He came all over John’s hand, more than he ever thought he could come. He took a big breath and realized John wasn’t close to stopping. He suddenly realized what he was going to be filled with.

 

“Pull out, pull out!” he yelled.

 

John did follow his orders, only to push him face-down to the rug. It was a cheap shot but it worked on the exhausted boy. He pushed back into Dave’s sore and sensitive hole and continued what he started.

 

“Can’t stop now, the ritual isn’t over!” John shouted.

 

With no time giving for recuperation Dave knew he wasn’t going to have another orgasm. It just hurt so much and the only good thing was it was a familiar hurt by now.

 

John added even more insult to injury by putting his fingers into Dave’s mouth and Dave soon realized they were covered in his own cum. He bit them and John pulled out. He only laughed at this attack and slapped Dave on the ass.

 

“Be nice or you won’t get into the Order!” he said mockingly.

 

“I...don’t...fucking...care!” Dave cried back.

 

The riding continued and John started getting close.

 

“Oh, you don’t know how good this feels, Dave,” he moaned, “You’ll have a great time with Jade!”

 

“Jade?!?” Dave cried.

 

But John didn’t explain what unfortunately didn’t need to be explain. To the cheer of the consorts the Heir of Breath filled the Knight of Time with his glory. He paused to catch his breath, suddenly jerked up, and took his dick out of Dave. Dave feel to his side. John looked at him with horror and guilt.

 

“I’m sorry, Dave, I don’t know what got into me, I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to do this!”

 

Dave looked at John’s still-hard dick and doubted his apology.

 

A blushing Rose cleared her throat and the consorts stopped cheering.

 

“He’s a Secret Wizard ceremony over enjoy the feast,” she spouted quickly.

 

The consorts left for the feast. Rose knelt down beside Dave.

 

“Dave?”

 

Dave just asked, “Will there be booze at this feast?”

 

“Yes, wine and mead and such.”

 

“Bring me all of it.”

 

\----

 

Dave woke up from the raucous feast. He was surprised at how great a party the consorts could throw and how much booze he could drink. He pulled himself up off the floor and looked down at his naked body. On his crotch was a crappy pointed hat which bore, in sequins, the word “Wizzard”.

"Oh, come on," Dave moaned.



End file.
